Tuesday, 24 August 2010

No (wo)man’s land

This may sound a bit weird but I’ve kind of got to a point with trying to get pregnant where I don’t really know what to feel, almost as if I’m in no man’s land.

I’ve had a year of trying naturally and know a bit more about my body now – I have low progesterone and a short luteal phase but on the positive side, I ovulate naturally most months and my uterus is clear.

Right, so what do I do now? At 38 I feel I have a responsibility to give my body the best chance to get pregnant, and that probably means taking this process a stage further. I know I’m not the first to feel reluctant to do this but for some reason it’s taking me a while to get my head round it.

Surely I should instinctively want to do everything in my power to get pregnant as quickly as possible? I suspect the reluctance may have something to do with feeling like I’m a failure for not having conceived naturally – I find it easy to blame myself for most things – and also a fear that whatever I try next might not work.

But at the same time, I know I have to do something – I don’t ever want to regret not doing anything.

Unfortunately, I haven’t felt particularly ‘looked after’ by the professionals up until this point so I haven’t even been sure of my options and what would be best for me.

But tomorrow I go for the first scan of a monitored cycle to double check the facts, to ask lots of questions, to assess the answers and to decide on the next step.

With any luck, it’ll be the first tentative step out of no man’s land and a big stride towards getting pregnant.

Until next time.

Juno

4 comments:

  1. I totally hear where you're coming from. We had a meeting with an RE today, and he suggested several ways we could move forward, most of which are more invasive, and somehow, I don't feel ready to go there. I know I want a baby, and yet...I guess I hadn't really considered for myself (even though I've read lots of other people's stories) what I might have to do to get one. Sigh.

    Take care of yourself,
    lady pumpkin

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks Lady P (great name!). Good to know I'm not alone with this...one step at a time I think.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Know just how you feel. I went with heavy step to my first RE consult and I'm 38 too. I've been spending so much time reading what other people are going through that I've gone from "I think we can do this by ourselves," to "I am definitely going to need donor eggs." But I know I'm being irrational. Hang in there. You're definitely not alone. And yes, one step at a time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Definitely one step at a time. It took me five and a half years before I finally took the step to go to an RE. I thought for years it was me because my cycles aren't regular, but it turns out we have male infertility.

    I wish you the best of luck and look forward to reading up on more of your journey. :)

    ReplyDelete