I was at work today and DH emailed me a surprise guest blog about the two week wait from his perspective. We don't often get the guy's point of view at this stage (plus he said some nice stuff about me) so I've published it here.
My bit, warts n all, is at the end...
As DH says, we are well and truly within the 2ww period now.
Here's where I'm at, straight up:
- massively bloated stomach, sore boobs, tired and run down (I have painful mouth ulcers and the skin on my face hurts - seriously)
- eating A LOT (latest craving is Chilli Heatwave Doritos - completely addicted - but also also eating pineapple, brazil nuts and protein to help the embabies implant and grow)
- worrying I've done too much of some things (carrying, rushing around, bending - there's no evidence I know of that any of these things are harmful, they're just things I'm irrationally plutzing about) and not enough of others (resting, sleeping, being positive - again, nothing scientific about this)
- panicking every time I sneeze or cough I've dislodged the embabies
- thoughts flitting at alarming speed between 'of course this is going to work' and 'I'm so scared this isn't going to work' - ALL DAY LONG
- keeping a low profile with friends and generally wanting to hibernate
- checking for signs of spotting every time I go to the toilet and remaining paranoid in between those times
- going to the toilet every half an hour so I can relieve my paranoia (and occasionally my bladder)
- talking to my embabies when no one is listening (at least I hope not), pleading with them to stick around so they can find out what good parents we'd be, how much we'd love and care for them
- welling up every time I think of how we'd tell my parents I'm pregnant
- wondering whether seeing two heavily pregnant women followed by a woman pushing newborn twins is a sign my ivf cycle is going to work
- wondering whether an itchy nose is a sign my ivf cycle is going to work
- going slowly insane...
I'm also doing my best to be positive (the stats DH found do make me feel better), but I can't help it, I'm so effing scared this isn't going to work. As much as I daydream about telling my parents I'm pregnant, I cannot contemplate having to tell them I'm not. My family has been through so much these last few months, this isn't just about me and DH any more - we all need this.
Either way, until the fat lady sings I'm staying hopeful.
Embabies, please stick around.