Perhaps I should have taken a horse tranquilizer

I’m afraid to say Day 18 came and went with just an empty circle showing on the digital wee stick. There’s something very sad about that empty circle. It’s like those pregnancy tests that tell you quite unashamedly you’re ‘NOT PREGNANT’. Yes, thank you very much for pointing that out to me so clearly. Most kind.

So I’m feeling a bit glum about the lack of smiley face - ergo lack of hope. The only other time since we've been trying I didn’t get a smiley face was Month 7. (I can’t remember my name half the time but somehow I can remember which day I ovulated in which month - or not.)

That was the month of the hysterosalpingogram. Catchy title. That’s where they run a test to check your fallopian tubes are open by injecting some dye through your cervix. They tell you you might just get ‘mild cramping’ so you should take a Nurofen an hour before the test. What they mean by mild cramping is that it will feel as though someone is tightly squeezing all your lady organs while stabbing them with razor blades. And what they should tell you to take is not a Nurofen but a horse tranquilizer.

Picture the scene: the swearing, hissing and kicking (not me, the consultant - only kidding) has just about calmed down. I’m lying there naked from the waist down, my legs are up in stirrups and two grown men are mopping up around me pretending they haven't just been staring at my lady bits for the last half an hour or so. My dignity is nowhere to be seen and I'm doing all I can to regain some composure and not blub like a baby.

Just as I'm starting to breath normally again, one of the grown men (or Consultant Gynaecologists, if you like) uncomfortably tells me they’ve spotted ‘a small irregularity’ on my uterus wall but they have no idea what it is or why it’s there or whether it will affect my fertility or in fact anything that might remotely reassure me.

Great.

So I’ve spent the last four months trying to ignore what they said - or didn’t say - and soldiered on with the baby making efforts regardless. To no avail of course but I figured it must be worth a try.

So here we are, Month 11, Day 19, no idea what my body’s doing.

Until next time.
Juno ☺