Lazing in bed on the first day of the brand new year , The Husband turned to me and asked what my highlights of 2010 were.
I pondered this for a while and said: I know it was at the end of the year but moving house, definitely. He said that was a highlight for him too, but what would be my personal highlight, something I was pleased I’d done or achieved for me? For instance, he said, his would be starting his hypnotherapy course. I agreed with his choice, I’m proud of him for that too.
So what about me? A personal highlight. That would be...umm...err...personal, you say? Well, obviously, there’d be the erm...umm...oh I don’t know, I give up!
That made me feel sad. Not to be able to think of one single thing that I’d consider a personal achievement in a whole entire year. It made me realise how I’d spent 2010 – basically trying to get through stuff.
It wasn’t that 2010 was a *bad* year exactly. It was our first full calendar year of being married and I’m still feeling exceptionally happy and lucky to have found my lobster (Friends reference, in case anyone’s confused). But it was a year full of challenges – a change in my responsibilities at work and good friends being made redundant that left me frustrated and unhappy in my job, the house we’d set our heart on buying falling through at the last minute and not being able to find an alternative, and of course, trying with optimism, month after month, to conceive and failing, broken-hearted, time after time.
At the end of the summer we realised things had to change. So we thought about renting instead of buying and we thought about starting IVF. And I realised I had to reorder my priorities and not worry so much about work. Instead I started to see it as a means to an end, a place that would one day pay me maternity benefit for up to a year, and I managed to relax about it a little. And suddenly it was December, and we were moving into our gorgeous little rented house and starting our first IVF cycle.
And that was 2010.
But I want 2011 to be different. Of course, if I get pregnant with this IVF cycle then I know for sure what my highlight of 2011 will be. But if, for whatever reason, this cycle isn’t meant to be for us, then I want to make sure I do or achieve something this year I’ll be proud of, so I could answer that same question on 1 January 2012 without hesitation.
Watch this space, I guess.
And for anyone following my IVF cycle, I did my first Gonal F injection today, which went fine. I’m getting to be quite a pro at these jabs now... So I’m up to two injections a day (including down reg) until retrieval which, if all goes to plan, looks set for the 17th. First blood test this Friday to check how I’m responding to the hormones.
This is really happening.
Until next time.