It's been a long while
since I blogged, and a lot has happened since. For a start, I have a
14 month old son called Samuel. He is just beautiful in every way and
I feel like the luckiest person on earth.
There's obviously so much more to say and I'll try to gradually
fill in the gaps over time but the reason I've
come back to my blog now is because the possibility of another IVF
cycle is looming. I guess I feel like I need an outlet and my blog
helped me so much last time.
The thing is, we'd love
a sibling for Samuel and because of my age (41, eek), we thought we'd
better get cracking - so to speak. So when Samuel was only 7 months
we started trying. I can't honestly say I was ready and it felt like
a massive betrayal to Samuel (still does), but time is not our side.
And 8 cycles of trying
down the line, with no luck once again, I thought it was time to
think about next steps. I suppose first and foremost I want to check
everything inside is still in working order and that childbirth
and/or my age hasn't made my uterus shrivel up or my ovaries fall
off.
So yesterday I went to
see our IVF consultant. I basically love him because he helped us to
get Samuel. I also love him because he's charming and bordering on
handsome (although just on the wrong side of the border), and because
he has dancing eyebrows. They dance independently of each other but
at the same time. It's fascinating.
Sadly but predictably
the consultant agreed that time isn't on my side and that I should
get the inside of my uterus and my ovarian reserve checked. Plus The
Husband needs to get his little guys tested. He said if we're
thinking of going through IVF again we should wait until nearer the
time so the results are as up to date as possible just before we go
through a cycle.
So now we need to think
about timing. It's weird thinking about going through an IVF cycle
again. We're in such a different situation now we have Samuel. The
intense longing and desperation aren't there although the feelings of
inadequacy that my body can't seem to do what it's supposed to do are
creeping back in.
Still, I'm reassured by
the fact that it's worked once before (albeit our second cycle) so I
could and would deal with it again. Now we just need to decide
when...
(I don't know if anyone will read this, especially anyone I used to 'know' in cyberspace but if you are and I do, hello :) )
