IVF: Day 29

Today is exactly four weeks into my first IVF cycle.

On Monday this week I introduced Gonal F (225) to the injection regime. In case anyone’s interested in knowing a bit more about the regime, I’m doing the buserilin (down reg) shots in my tummy and Gonal (stims) in the top of my thigh. Mostly, the injections have been fine and don’t hurt at all.

Think I’ve been a bit heavy handed with the buserilin needles a few times have and ended up with a couple of pretty looking green and purple bruises on my tummy...oops. The Gonal needle tends to slide into my thigh fairly easily and just stings for a few minutes, otherwise it’s no trouble.

On Friday I had the Day 5 blood test first thing in the morning to check my hormone levels and make sure I’m not over or under reacting to the meds. I had to wait all day for the nurse to call with the results – think the longest I managed to concentrate at work while waiting for the results was about three minutes. Seriously, if I’m like that with a minor blood test, I have no idea how I’ll manage to get through the two week wait! Anyways, all was fine so I need to continue what I’m doing until the Day 9 scan on Tuesday morning.

I’m quite excited to see how my follies are responding at the scan. Can’t quite believe I’m this far into it. I can’t deny it’s started to feel a bit scary now I’m being monitored and egg collection is so close. I also think the injections, the hormones, the process in general and the thought of the outcome, whichever way it goes, is starting to take its toll emotionally, mentally and physically.

But I’m doing everything in my power to take this one day at a time and stay with the thought that literally in a few weeks’ time I could be pregnant...

Just want to take the opportunity to send all the luck in the world to my cycle buddies on Twitter (@IVFBlessing @IVFchronicles @ivfbabyuk & @TTC_ICSI_IVF), who have all got a very important week this week. Here’s #hoping girlies...

Until next time

Juno ☺

At least we're having lots of sex

Sometimes I forget there are two of us going through this. I don't doubt that as a woman, I feel it more acutely. After all, it's my body, my hormones, my biological clock.

But my husband has feelings about this too. He also wants to have children and sometimes I forget that. If I'm honest, so far it's all been about me - my disappointment, my failure, my hurt. And he has to console me month after month, do his best to pick me up and put me back together again, and just wait patiently until I return to something resembling normal again.

But I'm starting to feel a huge sense of guilt about this. Guilt about not getting pregnant, not giving Tom the son or daughter that I strongly believe will be the making of him, but also guilt about being such a drain on his emotions. Especially during the first year of marriage, technically still our honeymoon period.

Spending a lot of my 20s and 30s nursing a broken heart and an immense longing to be with someone, I know how lucky I am to have met Tom and I never want to take him or our marriage for granted. He is absolutely everything to me - he makes me laugh, listens to my drivel, talks endless rubbish with me and teaches me so much about so many things.

I don't want to do anything to jeopardise that, but I'm 38 and we don't have the luxury of time.

Oh well, at least we're having lots of sex.

Until next time.

Juno ☺